Finding Atonement Read online

  Finding Atonement

  Jessica Ames

  Copyright © 2020 by Jessica Ames

  www.jessicaamesauthor.com

  Finding Atonement is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination and are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or establishments is solely coincidental.

  Editing by Charisse Sayers

  Proofreading by Gem’s Precise Proofreads

  Cover design by Desire Premade Covers by Jessica Ames

  Beta readers: Lynne Garlick, Allisyn Pendleton, Clara Martinez Turco, Emily Vaughan

  Cover image copyright © 2020

  Please note this book contains material aimed at an adult audience, including sex, violence and bad language.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment. It may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or if it was not purchased for use only, then you should return it to the seller and please purchase your own copy.

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under Copyright Act 1911 and the Copyright Act 1988, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior express, written consent of the author.

  This book is covered under the United Kingdom’s Copyright Laws. For more information visit: www.gov.uk/copyright/overview.

  To Sarah, who loved this book before it was even published

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Epilogue

  Get a free book and exclusive content

  Enjoyed this book?

  Also by Jessica Ames

  About the Author

  Jared

  Four years earlier…

  “It’s coming down heavily,” Robyn says, peering through the windshield.

  She’s not wrong. The rain is hammering on the glass, leaving tear trails in its wake. I can barely see a foot in front of the car. I’ve slowed to a crawl, but I’m considering pulling over. I have the two most important people in the world with me—my wife, and my newborn son, Cooper. I would never do anything to put them at risk.

  “I can’t see a damned thing,” I complain, squinting to make out anything through the deluge.

  It’s getting dangerous and I have precious cargo in my vehicle. I’m not willing to chance someone hitting us because they can’t see.

  Decision made, I manage to find the curb through the pouring rain and stop near it. I leave the engine running, and flick my hazard lights on to make sure other vehicles can see us.

  “I’ve never seen rain like it,” Robyn murmurs, squinting through the darkness to the wash of fuzzy colors beyond.

  Everything looks like a melting portrait. I can’t make out any of the familiar landmarks.

  I don’t stare at the rain, though. I stare at my wife, who, as usual, looks beautiful. Her hair is pulled back from her neck, exposing a kissable throat, and her dress is pulled tight over the curve of her stomach, still swollen with the extra weight from carrying our son. He’s a month old and has fast become our everything. We live and breathe for this kid. I didn’t realize how having a child would change my outlook on life so much, but it has.

  It’s been three years since I married Robyn. She’s my everything, and now she’s given me a son, I couldn’t be happier.

  “Do I have something on my face?” she asks, realizing I’m watching her.

  “No. I was just thinking about how lucky I am.”

  Pink stains her cheeks, and I love that even after all this time I can make her feel that way.

  “Babe, that isn’t going to get you any.”

  “I know.”

  And I do know. She’s not allowed to have sex for at least another few weeks, and honestly, while I miss her that way, I’m not going to even suggest sexy time. She can tell me when she’s ready.

  “Besides, I need to shift some of this baby blub before you see me naked again.”

  I wave this off. “Are you crazy? You’re perfect.”

  “And you’re a liar.”

  I’m really not. I love her post-baby body. She’s all curves. Robyn doesn’t believe me, though.

  “Sweetheart, I love you—not how you look.”

  She ducks her head, but I see her pleasure at my statement clearly on her face. I love making her happy like this. One smile from her is enough to make my whole damned day.

  “We shouldn’t have come out in this,” she murmurs, her attention moving back to the window.

  “It wasn’t raining when we left.” It wasn’t. It started about halfway home from my mom’s house and it hasn’t shown any sign of letting up. I feel terrible for dragging my wife and kid out in this, though. I should have told Mom to wait until the weekend for our visit. “Just give it a minute and it’ll stop.”

  She snorts at me. “You’re always the optimist.”

  “Someone has to be.” I reach over the center console and take her hand in mine, running my thumb over the back of her hand, needing to feel her. I always need to have her close.

  Robyn and I met in high school and she was my world from the moment I laid eyes on her. After graduation, I went straight into the Army and she went to nursing school. I don’t know why I waited so long to give her my name, but it didn’t seem right to make her mine when I was on deployments in every backwater nation. I waited until I got home and then I made an honest woman of her. Three years later, our son made his way into the world, completing our little family.

  “I’m plenty optimistic.”

  She’s not, so I laugh at this statement.

  “Babe, you’re about as optimistic as—”

  Headlights dazzle me through the side window and then there’s an ungodly screech of metal as the car flips and rolls. My brain rattles in my skull and pain lances through my torso as the seat belt pulls tight across my chest.

  For a moment, I’m transported back to the other side of the world, to a time when danger was always looming close. For a moment, I’m in some sandbox on the other side of the world and facing an IED or an RPG attack. For a moment, I’m trapped in the memory of the day my buddy, Luke, was hurt.

  My heart is pounding so hard it hurts and flashes of memories assault me. I blink rapidly, trying to lockdown my past, trying to lockdown a time that is nothing more than a memory in my world now.

  I’m jolted out of my past as the car comes to rest on its side. My teeth jar against each other as it slams down. Then there’s silence. Deafening silence.

  When my surroundings come back into focus, the picture I’m met with is confusing. Everything looks weird, and it takes me a moment to figure out why. The car is on its side.

  My head is throbbing in time to the racing beat of my heart as my brain catches up with what happened. Something hit us. We’re no longer the right way up, and I can’t hear my
son or wife making any noises.

  Panic like I’ve never experienced swamps me and I twist my head to see Robyn. I’ve seen so many men and women die over the years—too many to count—so I know from the awkward angle she’s at and from the amount of blood streaming down her face that she’s in trouble.

  I try to twist to see my son, but I can’t move my neck without crushing pain, so I raise my eyes to the rear-view mirror and seek him out. He’s in the carrier seat, so I can’t see anything past the hood of it, but the carrier is still in place, which makes some of the tension around my heart ease a little.

  I can feel my vision tunneling, even though I will myself to stay awake. I know there’s no chance it’s going to happen. I can barely focus on anything but the dimming lights in my eyes. I’m going to pass out.

  I hear noises and voices, and I know someone is trying to rescue us. I attempt to stay awake.

  “My son…” I murmur. “He’s in the back. Please, help my son.”

  “Help’s coming, buddy,” a male voice says to me. “Just try to keep still.”

  “The baby…”

  “I see him. He’s moving. The fire department’s on its way.”

  Relief floods me at this and I let myself drift. The next thing I know there’s someone prodding at me. I want to push them away, but my body feels leaden, so I can do nothing.

  “The baby’s free,” a voice says, and relief fills me.

  “And the woman?”

  “Gone, man. We need to get this guy out.”

  Gone? Robyn’s gone?

  I want to demand answers. I want to know what the hell they’re talking about, but the darkness swamps me and I’m pulled into the abyss.

  Nia

  Present…

  “This place is amazing, Nia.”

  I glance up from the shelf I’m organizing to look at Simone. She’s twirling on the spot to take everything in and beaming. She’s not wrong, this place is everything I could have dreamt and more. And it’s mine—my own little slice of heaven.

  “It is great, isn’t it?” I grin as I say this.

  I’ve wanted my own antiques store for as long as I can remember. I collected bits and kept them in the garage when I was married to Thomas, but he never really liked my hobby. Then again, he never really indulged anything I wanted.

  She stops spinning and stares right at me, her eyes glistening. “I can’t believe you’re really doing this, girl. I’m so proud of you.”

  I can’t help but smile. The past twelve months has been difficult, so her saying that means a lot to me. Especially since I look up to Simone as a sister, rather than the cousin she is.

  She may be three years older than me, but we both tapped in heavily to the Walker side of the family. In fact, we look so alike people sometimes mistake us for siblings. She’s three inches taller than my five foot three, but like me, she has dark tightly curled hair and deep brown eyes. Her nose slopes the same way and we have a similar jawline. She’s also the closest in age of all my cousins, which means we hung out a lot as kids.

  “I’m really doing it.” I stand, dusting off my jeans with my hands. This place needs a good cleaning, but nothing can dampen my good mood—especially not a little grime.

  Simone comes to me and wraps her arm around my shoulders. “You’re really doing it, Nee. Did I mention how proud I am of you?”

  I snort. “Once or twice.”

  Glancing around the small shop floor, I can’t help but feel my own pride swell. This is all mine. My own little empire.

  Over the years I’ve collected furniture, decorations, even old letters. Since my separation from Thomas, they’ve been sitting in a storage unit in town, but I wanted to display these items, let others find the same joy I got from buying them. I kept the pieces I liked and the rest of it will form my first stock in the store.

  “Hey, Nia, who is the tall, dark, Mr. Handsome guy next door?”

  I move over to the window where she’s peering out and see what has her gawking. He is tall, like crazy tall, and has a hint of dark scruff covering his jaw. Even from here, I can tell he’s muscled beneath his coveralls.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t met all my neighbors yet.”

  I have a florist on one side of me and a garage on the opposite side of the road, which gives us a direct view into the workshop (and of the man she’s staring at). He’s clearly a mechanic from his garb, but I have no idea who he is. Simone is right, though, he is very handsome.

  She nudges me in the ribs. “Go and introduce yourself.”

  I splutter out a “No!”

  “Girl, if you don’t get out there and say hello to that sexy as sin specimen, then I will.”

  She will, too. Simone has never lacked confidence. I, on the other hand, am far more reserved. I guess that’s one thing we don’t have in common. Either way, I’m not parading my ass out there to drool all over the hot guy.

  “I’m off men, remember?” I tell her, turning away from the window and continuing to stack the shelf I was working on.

  Simone leans her hip against the register counter and folds her arms over her chest.

  “Thomas is a jackass, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the male population is. Nee, you need to get back on the horse, meet someone new who will show you a damned good time.”

  I cock my brow at her. “How long have you been practicing that sermon?”

  “Ever since you got rid of that waste of space.”

  “I’m not even divorced yet.”

  Although I’ve tried. Thomas is putting up a fight and making things difficult. He doesn’t want it; I do. I have my lawyers working on getting things finalized.

  She sighs. “Honey, I want you happy and settled—far from that jerk.”

  “I am happy,” I assure her. “I don’t need a guy to make me complete, Sim. I’m perfectly content as I am, but I adore you for caring.”

  “I’ll always care about you. You’re family.”

  I glance back at the window and see Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome is crouched on his haunches, looking at the side of a car. It pulls his coveralls tight over his very firm and pert ass.

  Oh, Lord.

  I feel bad for staring, but I can’t stop myself. I’m only human and he’s very attractive.

  Simone clearly can’t either, because she waves her hands in the air and says, “Okay, I can’t handle any more of this. Girl, if you do nothing else today, you make sure you talk to him, got it?”

  I roll my eyes, but mutter, “Got it. Now, get out of here, so I can try to do some business.”

  “I’m going, I’m going, but I’ll call in sick if you need me here. It’s not like the office will miss me for a day.”

  “You’re not calling in sick. Go to work.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  I shake my head as she grabs her purse and walks out into the Louisiana heat. She’s crazy if she thinks I’m just going to walk up to that guy and start a conversation.

  I wash the next shelf and dry the wood before I stack some little decorations on there, complete with price tags dangling from them. I can’t help the little tingle of excitement it gives me, seeing all my things around and ready for selling. I would never have achieved this if I was still with Thomas. He would never have let me leave my full-time job. It’s one of many reasons we’re no longer together. He was a controlling ass.

  I head out to my truck. Most of the big-ticket items are already in the store—Simone’s husband and friends helped move things yesterday—but there’s a few chairs strapped in the back of the pickup and a small trunk that I thought I could move easily on my own. I realize I’m wrong the moment I unhook it and try to drag it to the edge of the truck bed. It’s surprisingly heavy for such a small item.

  I’m puffing and panting within a couple of seconds, and I’m worried about scratching the underside.

  “Do you need a hand?” a deeply masculine voice asks from the side of me.

  I startle and twist to see the gorgeou
s man from the garage standing at the open gatefold of the truck.

  “Oh, uh…” Damn it, Nia, speak. “I’m okay.”

  You’re okay? I’m so not okay.

  His brow cocks. “Really? I don’t mean to interfere, but you seem like you’re struggling a little and I can’t stand by and watch someone struggle.”

  Embarrassment floods me.

  “Yeah, I guess I am struggling.”

  “Can I help?”

  “Sure.”

  He leaps into the truck with just one hand holding the edge of the bed. It’s a move that is so sexy, it should be illegal. He signals to another guy in the garage, who puts down the wrench he’s holding and jogs across the street.

  “Slide, give me a hand with this, will you?”

  The guy ‘Slide’ also does that sexy leap into the truck and helps him to lift the trunk to the edge of the bed. I step back out of the way as they climb down and, together, carefully haul the piece of furniture off the truck bed.

  “Where do you want it?” hot guy asks.

  “Inside. I’ll show you.”

  I cringe. Of course you want it inside. Why does this man have me tied up in knots? A man whose name I don’t even know. I blame Simone, although she’ll be happy I spoke to him—even if he technically was the one who spoke to me.

  I direct them to the spot near the window and they lower it exactly where I asked.

  Oh, yeah, that looks good there.

  “I can’t thank you enough,” I tell them both. “I thought I’d be able to lift it on my own, but clearly I overestimated my strength.”

  “Don’t mention it.” He stares at me a beat, then says, “I’m Jared.”